Life Under Constant War

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By Rabbi Stanley Helinski, Esq.

I have no idea what it is like to live in an active war zone. I recall the events of 9/11 and the surreal nature of seeing armed troops outside of buildings in Boston. I felt vulnerable and unsafe. The events of October 7 in Israel led me to ponder the same questions I had back then, but from the perspective of an Israeli – our people. It made me question not only what it was like to live in an area where people were trying to kill you, but also what it would be like to grow up like in such an area. 

So I jumped on a Zoom call with my friend, Chani (a pseudonym), who was born in Israel and has lived there her entire 72 years. She lives in Haifa near her daughter, who just finished college in Israel. Chani has taught online classes from Israel for decades. Her mother’s parents were murdered by the Nazis, as were three of her mother’s sisters. Her father’s father was also murdered, as were three of his brothers. After the Holocaust, Chani’s parents fled to Israel to escape those who wanted to kill them for being Jewish. That goal did not exactly succeed, as people are still trying to kill Chani and her daughter even from within Israel.

Chani described growing up in Israel as “living from war to war.” She recounted the many: 1964 when terrorist attacks began in Israel; 1967 and the Six Day War; 1973 with the Yom Kippur War;1979 with Begin; 1982 with the first Lebanon war; and of course, the second Lebanon war, which began in 2006. And now, from the past 20 years of conflict to what appears to be heading toward a wider war, the strife continues. 

Chani explained that death was very much a part of growing up as a kid in Israel. Her peers were often missing classes because they would be attending funerals of family members. Despite its close proximity to its enemies, Israel did not begin to have shelters until 1967, and did not require them in buildings until 1974. Before that time, when Israelis heard the ominous sound of air raid sirens descending on their neighborhoods, there was really nowhere to hide. 

I have been on Zoom calls with Chani over the years when the sirens would go off and she would need to leave our session in order to get herself and her daughter to a shelter.  

Chani recalled enemy fighter jets flying over her neighborhood when she was young. Families were required to turn off their lights and place paper over their windows, so that the fighter jets would not see a potential target at night. In fact, she recounts that, if one’s lights were still on, Israeli police would knock at their door to remind them to turn them off. This simple yet effective task was a standard Israeli defense.

Chani does not remember living in fear, because Israelis have become acclimated to this lifestyle despite the fact that everyone in those days knew of someone who had been killed.

We talked about Israel since October 7, when Hamas murdered, kidnapped and raped young people and Israeli citizens. Chani’s love for Israel remains unwavering. She told me that Israel is her country and that despite what is happening now, she continues to have a sense of pride in Israel and its people, of whom she is most proud. They are kind and warm, different from those in other areas of the world. 

She noticeably sat up when telling me that they are brilliant and good people, that the young are open minded and motivated, and that Israel itself is beautiful like no other place on Earth. Having spent time in Israel, myself, these are the very same descriptions that I would use to describe Israel and Israelis. 

Chani believes that present-day problems in Israel are rooted within the divides between Ashkenazi and Sephardic, as well as between ultra-Orthodox (charedim) and  secular Israelis.She is worried that her country is becoming more of a dictatorship than a democracy, and was very much a part of the protests before October 7 over issues including the proposed changes in the judiciary. 

She wants to see a government that works for all and not for just sectors of her people, and a country united, not where the left is against the right and the right is against the left (sound familiar?). 

I asked her whether people were talking – in public and on the streets – about everything that is going on in the country. Surprisingly, she told me that nobody speaks about it. People, she explained, do not wish to start up a conversation with a stranger because they don’t know the stranger’s perspective. And whatever that perspective, people in Israel are passionate about their viewpoint. So they just stay quiet.

Chani’s daughter, who is now in her mid-20s, lost her best friend on October 7. For some time, Chani’s daughter did not know whether or not her friend was alive, dead or captured. Each day, she and the family would browse Instagram posts on dead bodies to see if they could recognize her friend’s, just for closure. After about eight months of this excruciating daily search, government officials came to her friend’s parents' door and told them that she was dead. Nobody knows how this could be known, as there is still no body, no photographs or any other documentation. Just another funeral.

I asked Chani if she would ever consider moving to a different country, given the current and escalating conflict. She would not. This is her home. It’s where she has lived her entire life, and she would never leave it, despite living just 17 miles from the Lebanese border.

While we were speaking, Chani received a text message from her daughter asking her when she believed that the Iranians would attack Israel. Chani shrugged. “I have no idea,” she responded.

Chani is, in many ways, an Israeli heroine. She volunteers to help the elderly – at 72 years old herself – and lives a simple and gracious life. She lives each day not knowing if the Iron Dome will allow a missile through that will strike her neighborhood or, G-d forbid, her building. She wakes up every day not only as an Israeli, but as a proud Israeli and a proud Jew. 

It is this resiliency, this persistence, that has kept Jews on the globe for each generation, one after the other, despite so many genocidal campaigns against them. Please say a prayer for Chani, her daughter and all Israelis for their health and for their safety, as I do each week when we light Shabbat candles in our home. L’Shana Tovah.

Rabbi Stanley Helinski, Esq. is a family law attorney in Massachusetts.