100 Jewish Brides
By Batia Shems
I was honored to be included in the recently published book "100 Jewish Brides," which chronicles the experience of courtship, betrothal, and marriage of Jewish women from countries and cultures around the world.
I was born in Beirut, Lebanon and came to the United States after a five-day courtship that led to a marriage proposal and wedding. Writing about my experience brought back fond memories as a young bride in Beirut, and I hope readers enjoy learning about my story, the customs that were part of my wedding, and the traditions that both influenced me and against which I rebelled.
I married in 1966 and immediately moved to New Jersey, because my husband Moise, o.b.m. was in the middle of his medical training to be a urologist. We had originally planned to move back to Lebanon and our families, but the Middle East wars and the civil war in Lebanon made that impossible. After Moise finished his training, we settled in Newton, where I raised three children, ran a business, and joined a synagogue.
I have been connected with the Hadassah-Women’s Institute at Brandeis for years. After the terrorist attacks of 9/11, I participated in a speaker’s series at Brandeis and talked about my experience as a Jewish woman being raised in an Arab land. As a result, when Barbara Vinick and Shulamit Reinharz began researching "100 Jewish Brides," they reached out to me.
I married Moise when I was only 17, and there were many traditions and customs unique to our community that shaped my experience. However, as an often headstrong young woman, I was not always one to follow the rules!
In my excerpt, I share a few anecdotes about the traditions that were expected to be followed, such as the dowry offering. The dowry was often used to help provide for the newlyweds, and the negotiations for the dowry were always attended by the male elders and father of the bride. I rebelled against that tradition. Stating that I was not for sale, I demanded that my father refuse to negotiate. Luckily the families knew each other, and Moise wanted to marry me, not my dowry.
Another traditional hurdle we overcame was the certificate of bachelorhood. Moise was expected to have brought a letter from his rabbi in the US affirming his bachelor status, but our courtship, betrothal, and marriage occurred in a mere 4 months.
As I was waiting for my father to escort me from my home to Temple, where the entire community was preparing to greet me and celebrate, our fathers had to convince the rabbi who was to marry us that Moise was not already married. Again, the families showed faith in each other, and despite a slight delay that may have caused some of our desserts to melt a bit in Beirut’s August heat, Moise and I were married.
My history is one of many; "100 Jewish Brides" shares the stories of brides from other cultures and offers a glimpse into the interesting customs and experiences that have shaped the betrothal and wedding experience of Jewish brides around the world.
I am honored to have had the opportunity to share my story of being a young Jewish Sephardic bride in Beirut, Lebanon and am grateful for my marriage, which has lasted over 56 years.
Batia Shems is a wife, mother, grandmother, and former business owner. She resides in Wayland, where she delights her family and friends with her stories and Lebanese cooking.